In a recent conversation with Dave and Dennie Scott about their experience as Peace House volunteers, the dominant theme was hospitality. It’s not that they framed their reflections explicitly around that word. In fact, they might not have even used it. But their comments about what they do and why they do it bear the marks of people well-grounded in the grace of knowing how to extend welcome to others.
Hospitality, as the Scotts model it, goes beyond being friendly. It relies on a deeper attitudinal shift that prepares one to receive the guest on the guest’s own terms. This means recognizing and respecting that guests come from complex lives and with varied expectations. Dennie commented on the fact that some days a community member arrives in a surly mood. “Like everyone else,” she says, “sometimes they up on the wrong side of the bed or have a lot of ‘foo-fah’ going on around them.” Dennie says her response in such situations is to listen to what the guest has to say. Listening is key to hospitality because it is the premier way to recognize the other person as a distinct individual – not categorized, generalized, or seen simply as someone in need. “Our community members,” Dennie says, “reflect the normal range of human emotions which includes being disgruntled once in a while.” Dave agrees, and both of them always invite a person into conversation, knowing some will not agree. Hospitable people understand that their welcome and graciousness are not based on whether guests always are grateful or eager to sit down for a visit.
Dave and Dennie came to Peace House 10 years ago as they explored ways to volunteer together. They in fact may be the only volunteer couple at Peace House. They show up most every Monday “ready for what will happen.” Dave has served on the board for six years and only recently stepped down as its chair. While they volunteer together and share a deep commitment to hospitality, Dave and Dennie of course each have their individual, distinctive style. Dave describes himself as a committed introvert which translates into a preference to have a task to accomplish rather than just an open-ended charge to “go and meet people”. He has an engaging, alert personality refined over his years as a corporate trainer for 3M, so he is a very good conversationalist. But he also likes his role as a Jack-of-all-trades – like staffing the storage room for community member needs or running errands for Peace House staff. He always keeps in mind, however, that Peace House represents for community members a place to be themselves. “People know when they come to Peace House that they are accepted where they are,” he says. That’s why listening is what both Dave and Danny would list as their primary responsibility. “We are sounding boards,” Dave explains. “This means community members can talk about issues confronting them as they navigate their lives. We are always cautious, though, about giving advice. Our role is to listen with empathy and to ask questions that might help the community member gain greater clarity on their issue.”
Dennie is more of an extrovert and has carved out her own approach to extending hospitality. Her background includes teaching and training (she and Dave met while working in 3M’s human resources staff department) as well as serving as volunteer coordinator for Second Harvest. She is also an active Consociate of the Sisters of Saint Joseph in St. Paul. Consociates are lay women and men from a wide variety of backgrounds who affiliate with the sisters in their mission of service and justice. Along the way, Dennie learned how to do hand massage, a talent she makes available to community members – but not just for the benefits of massage. When a community member accepts her offer, the massage creates a unique way to be in touch, physically and conversationally. Dennie explains that what she and a community member talk about during the massage can be lighthearted banter or a time for the guest to talk about life issues. “I don’t have an agenda. I am there to listen, to allow the community member to take the lead. I’m attentive to and empathetic because that is how I can best accompany a community member in that moment.”
When asked how volunteering at Peace House has impacted them personally, Dave is quick to say he’s benefited by learning from the daily lives of people who come to Peace House. Their stories deepen his empathy and reinforce his desire to serve. Dennie agrees about the way Peace House has expanded her empathy and encourages her readiness to roll with community members as they are on a particular day. “You have to have a thick skin, especially when someone refuses your invitation to visit or to have a hand massage. That’s how they are feeling, and I’ve learned to respect that and not take it personally”.
Both Dave and Danny concur that as much as they enjoy their service as volunteers, they are not what brings people to Peace House. It is Peace House itself. “Community members know,” Dave says, “that Peace House is a place to rest, to meet up with friends, and to share a meal.” They also speak with admiration about the staff and how they enrich the community. They also point out how, over their ten years, Peace House has been successful in enabling community members themselves increasingly to have a voice in how it operates, including the establishment of a members’ advisory group. The focus on Peace House as a gathering place and on the contributions of staff are important to the full story. At the same time, volunteers do play an essential role in sustaining the beacon Peace House has become for the neighborhood. Society is a challenging and sometimes bleak reality for many people. As a result, the need for hospitality, centered in genuine listening, is greater than ever. People like Dave and Dennie Scott make that hospitality a reality as they ensure that all who enter Peace House’s doors can come as they are and be welcomed indeed.